Well, the last line from my last post. I've arrived. What did I mean by that? Well, I am finally beginning to be so comfortable with who I am for one thing. I'm not always so concerned with what others think of me, although I still have my moments when I think it matters.
If God could just send me an email and let me know that yes, indeed, I am making the right decisions, then maybe what others think wouldn't matter so much. Because of course, if God approved, out loud, so I could know it was actually his voice, then I would know for sure that what others think doesn't matter. Then I would know for sure I was doing God's will.
How can a person know? How can we know that we are listening hard enough and really hearing what God has to say to us? We don't get that big booming voice from the clouds or the email from God or a phone call on our cell as we're driving home from work. "Deborah - yes you should take that new job you've been offered!" "Yes - go ahead and make vacation plans for this summer, I have the money situation handled for you. You will have plenty of money for the girls this fall." Oh, if only I could hear him clearly.
Well, questions or no, I've arrived anyway. Arrived to a time in my life when being 42 is wonderful. How could I know that I could be so peaceful in the midst of such a stressful world? You don't think I'm fooling myself do you? Yes I feel stress, but at the same time a gratefulness for everything in my life. Thank you Father, God. You are truly awesome and so amazing and so unbelievably loving.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Sunday, April 03, 2005
A beautiful Sunday
Ah, it's an awesome day. When I walked out of church this morning, what a beautiful sight and feeling. Sunshine, a little breeze and waaaarrrrmmmmm, finally. Maybe spring has arrived to stay. The daffodils and magnolia are blooming and the grass is turning green.
The other day when Tom and I were at the state park, lying down on a bench, enjoying the sun upon our faces, I actually had the thought that even if I had died that very day, my life would've been so complete. I could feel God with me in that moment and I realized that I was so unbelieveably blessed. I already knew that, but it was so intense at the time. I knew that I already had everything and every experience that makes my life complete and wonderfuly joyful. My entire existence has been so awesome, I have 2 wonderful daughters, a husband that I love more each day, caring parents, 3 amazing sisters, a good job, a nice home, freedom, friends and peace in my life. It almost makes me feel guilty that my life has been so blessed. I am so thankful to God each and every day and I appreciate the world and everyone in it more now than I ever have before. I guess finding God and learning to appreciate life makes getting older and wiser all worth it. I can honestly say that I am beginning to feel that I have arrived.
The other day when Tom and I were at the state park, lying down on a bench, enjoying the sun upon our faces, I actually had the thought that even if I had died that very day, my life would've been so complete. I could feel God with me in that moment and I realized that I was so unbelieveably blessed. I already knew that, but it was so intense at the time. I knew that I already had everything and every experience that makes my life complete and wonderfuly joyful. My entire existence has been so awesome, I have 2 wonderful daughters, a husband that I love more each day, caring parents, 3 amazing sisters, a good job, a nice home, freedom, friends and peace in my life. It almost makes me feel guilty that my life has been so blessed. I am so thankful to God each and every day and I appreciate the world and everyone in it more now than I ever have before. I guess finding God and learning to appreciate life makes getting older and wiser all worth it. I can honestly say that I am beginning to feel that I have arrived.
Saturday, April 02, 2005
It's April
Today is my friend Lynn's 50th birthday. We had a girls night out last night to celebrate her birthday and Brenda's 42nd birthday coming up this Monday.
There were 4 of us "older" ladies together, talking, complaining, laughing, eating and just sharing our lives really. I think we had an awesome time. Several times it came up that we were the "older" ladies or something along that line. It hit me that sometimes I do feel like I'm one of the older people, but then other times I feel so young and that I have so much to look forward to doing yet in my life.
The next 5 to 6 years will be devoted to getting our 2 daughters through college, and I'm so blessed to be able to have such a goal. I will put them first always, but I am so looking forward to Tom and I and spending more time together doing the things that we want to do, eventually.
It's a beautiful day and I am on the computer! What a world we live in. Maybe soon I can at least move the computer to a room with a view so I'm not down in the basement, or dungeon, as I call it, when I am writing or researching or just playing games on this computer.
Blessings.
There were 4 of us "older" ladies together, talking, complaining, laughing, eating and just sharing our lives really. I think we had an awesome time. Several times it came up that we were the "older" ladies or something along that line. It hit me that sometimes I do feel like I'm one of the older people, but then other times I feel so young and that I have so much to look forward to doing yet in my life.
The next 5 to 6 years will be devoted to getting our 2 daughters through college, and I'm so blessed to be able to have such a goal. I will put them first always, but I am so looking forward to Tom and I and spending more time together doing the things that we want to do, eventually.
It's a beautiful day and I am on the computer! What a world we live in. Maybe soon I can at least move the computer to a room with a view so I'm not down in the basement, or dungeon, as I call it, when I am writing or researching or just playing games on this computer.
Blessings.
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