She wanted to be Homecoming Queen

Presentation at the Homecoming Pep Assembly

In the Homecoming Parade

The crowd at the Courthouse!

At the Courthouse

Presentation at the football game

Before the Homecoming Dance

Our Homecoming Queen

Sami's Senior Year

The last couple of weeks have me exhausted. I think they have all of us exhausted.

College visits:

Saturday, September 17:
We visited Truman State University in Kirksville, Missouri. Truman is known as the Harvard of the midwest. Students that attend Truman are above average, high achievers. It's about 3 hours northeast from here. We left Saturday morning about 5:00. It was actually a beautiful drive. It was a little foggy quite a bit of the way and when the sun started to come up, it was a little hard to see through the glare of the sun and fog, but winding country roads most of the way there.

The campus is nice, students friendly and staff professional and each seemed excited about their particular area. We attended the studying abroad and romance language presentations. The study abroad portion was presented by a French professor, actually from France, and he did a great job. Very knowledgeable, passionate and a good speaker who was friendly and helpful.

All in all a good day. We all liked it better than we expected.

Thursday, September 22nd:
Voting for Homecoming King and Queen top 10. Samantha made the 10 ten candidates for Homecoming Queen! In a normal high school in a normal town this would be great, but in this high school and in this town - this is HUGE! In a high school filled with over 1800 students, 42 of which were running for Homecoming Queen, for Sami to have made the top 10 is a major accomplishment.

This week was busy to begin with, but now the search is on to find proper attire to wear for Homecoming festivities. We had to miss our belly dancing class in order to accomplish this all-important task. Shopping, shopping, shopping, but finally we found 1 outfit that would work for the football game.

Friday, September 23rd, DAY:

Day off from work and school to visit Missouri State University in Springfield, Missouri. Left during an awful thunderstorm at 5:00 am. I, being the brilliant scholar that I am, had it in my head that I would drive in the morning! HA! Luckily we were not killed before we made it somewhere near Blue Springs on I-70 and we pulled over so Tom could drive.

Anyway, our visit was OK, but nothing too thrilling, which really surprised me. It's a nice campus, but nothing really stood out in my mind. Left after the tour and drove 3 hours to Columbia, Missouri.

Friday, September 23rd, EVENING:

Met up with Samantha's friend Drew at the University of Missouri campus. Drew took us for a brief walking tour and to dinner at Shakespeare's Pizza in downtown Columbia. It's a cute little pizza place - very busyand fun they had decent pizza.

Tom and I were a little nervous walking around campus and Columbia during the evening hours and the even the dorms where Drew lived seemed a little scary.

Saturday, September 24th:

Check in at Meet Mizzou Day. Freedom in picking which program and when you wanted to see it. Freedom in when to tour the dorms, see the financial aid program, etc.

I'm still not sure how Tom feels, but so far, this has been the only campus tour I've been on, where I actually got goosebumps. There is a lot of tradition and history to the campus, it's beautiful, the students seem friendly and there seems to be a connection between the college and the city of Columbia that reminds me a little of Northwest, where Sarah goes. I guess it's their pride in the accomplishments of the college and the way the city makes an effort to support the college. Anyway, I went from hating it and praying that Sami doesn't go there on Friday night, to realizing that if she gets to go there, it would be so great for her.

We'll see.........

Sunday, September 25th:

More shopping for the parade outfit. Sami and I went to Zona Rosa and found several things she liked. I think we're done, except for shoes. We got so busy, we forgot about Sami's math tutor, darn!

Tuesday, September 27th:

1st photo shoot for senior pictures! I think Sami had sooo much fun. We really liked the photographer and the shots she did. Sami had 4 outfits for pictures. Some were taken inside the studio and then some outside the studio at the square downtown.

Wednesday, September 28th:

Sami was supposed to get more pictures taken for senior pics, at her favorite spots in Westport, but she got sent home early from school because she had 100+ degree fever. I got her into the doctor right away because the nurse thought it might be mono, she's been so tired. Went to see the doc at 9:30 am, she didn't think it was mono, test for strep throat was negative - yippeee! Doc said it was just a virus, so Sami came home and rested.

Thursday, September 29th:

Sami stayed home to rest again today. Fever is gone and has her appetite back, but wants to make sure she is OK for Homecoming!

Friday, September 30th:

Sarah is home, Tom and I are off from work. The 3 of us went to the high school to watch the pep assembly at 10:30 am. The top 10 ten king/queen candidates will be introduced! Fun and nerve-wracking. Sami did great.

The 3 of us went to El Cerro Grande for lunch, picked up Sarah's friend Stephanie and went down to the square to get ready to watch the parade! The top 10 candidates ride in convertibles and then everyone gathers on the courthouse steps where all the sports teams are presented and cheered for and then the the top 3 candidates for king and queen are announced. I could not believe how nervous I was. I don't know if my stomache EVER felt that way before. I can't imagine how Samantha must've felt.

Unfortunately, she didn't make one of the top 3, but right after the parade, they all had to go the football field to practice for the half time annoucement of the king and queen. Sarah, Steph, Tom and I went to get ice cream and some H2O - it was really warm that day. Then we went over to the field to pick Samantha up after practice.

Got home about 3:30, took a short nap and then left for the football game around 6:00. Samantha and her escort, Dustin were presented along with the other top 10 candidates during half time of the football game.

It seemed very surreal to see her out there walking with a football player. The announcer said she was the daughter of Debbie and Tom, was traveling to Ghana, Africa during second semester and that she would attend a 4 year university to study Spanish and math.

You wouldn't think that having a daughter as a top 10 queen candidate for homecoming would be something so dramatic, but I learned a lot about myself and about our family. Being thrust into the spotlight when you are not used to it, nor seeking it, can make you really unsure of yourself.

I wish our family in Ohio could've been here to see her and support her. She even said to me that she wished they were here. I feel bad about her growing up without close family nearby. Even though there are lots of friends here, it's just not the same.

I felt really inadequate when it came to helping Samantha pick out clothes for the parade and for the football game. I wasn't sure whether I should get really excited about the whole process or not. Of course I wanted her to win, but I didn't want her to think that if she didn't it was an awful tragedy. I wanted her to enjoy the process and have fun, and yet it bothered me to think that people were probably judging her and that truthfully, I would be judging the other girls as well.

Part of the time I was still trying to wrestle with the idea that she wanted to be homecoming queen at all. It still doesn't seem like a Samantha sort of thing to do. I could tell she felt a little out of place being in the running with cheerleaders and pom girls and just being out there in front of sooo many people. I could see that she held herself different than the others, in a good way. She seemed very confident in herself, and yet somehow she wasn't cocky about it.

I have never been more proud of her and I've never been more nervous for her. It has never been more apparent to me that Samantha is truly beautiful on the outside, but more importantly, she's absolutely stunning and amazing on the inside.

Another dorm room picture

Summer of 1993

Summer of 2005

Brady and Sarah in her dorm room

Brady's visit

Brady to came to visit in August. I'm so glad he did. When he got off the plane I couldn't believe how much he'd grown. He is such a young man now! How did it happen so quickly?

We had a good time while he was here and I hope he comes back for a visit every year. I wish all the newphews and my niece would visit every year as well.

Love you all.....

School Shopping

Well, went shopping with the girls and 2 of Sami's friends last night. We started out the evening by stopping at McDonald's for a quick bite to eat. It was POURING down rain when we arrived and it was hilarious to see the girls running into the restaurant, screaming and giggling.

When we got in the door it was FULL of boys who must've had their baseball game cancelled. They looked like they were about 13-14 and they could not stop STARING at the lovely ladies that I was with. It was so cute. One of them threw his hat on the floor and Sarah picked it up and gave it back to him. He told her she was the nicest girl he'd ever met! It was sweet really, but so funny.

Eating amidst staring boys was interesting, but I was glad when they started to filter out and then were finally all gone.

Sami and her friends hit the ground running when we got to the mall, so Sarah and I made our rounds alone. We had a good time and I think everyone seemed thrilled with their purchases for school.

Go Light Your World

By Chris Rice (Short Term Memories CD)

There is a candle in every soul
Some brightly burning, some dark and cold
There is a Spirit who brings a fire
Egnites a candle and makes His home

Carry Your Candle, run to the darkness
Seek out the helpless, confused and torn
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle and go light your world
Take your candle and go light your world

Frustrated brother, see how he's tried to
Light his own candle, some other way
See how your sister, she's been robbed

and lied to, still holds a candle without a flame

So carry your candle, run to the darkness
Seek out the lonely, the tired and worn
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle and go light your world
Take your candle and go light your world

We all are family, whose hearts are blazing
So let's raise our candles and light up the sky
Praying to our Father, in the name of Jesus
Make us a beacon in darkest times

Carry your candle, run to the darkness
Seek out the hopeless, deceived and torn
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle and go light your world
Take your candle and go light your world

Today in the backyard

July 2005

I must say that my summer vacation has been awesome. I've been off work since July 2 and I still have 3 more days after today. The only down side is that I NEVER want to go back to work in an office!

Last week our family went to stay in a cabin in Arkansas. It was very beautiful as you can see by the pictures that I've posted. We did the hokey touristy thing, but we had a good time. I don't think I'd been swimming at a beach for several years and it was good to be in the lake. Beaver Lake has the clearest water I've ever seen and the temperature was great. Even Sarah and Sami enjoyed it. They met a native Arkansas gal named Stormy and also a very funny college girl named Stephanie. I think Stephanie would've hung out all night, but thankfully, her ride was leaving so off she went. Very nice girl, just maybe a little over-bearing and naive.

We also went to a spa in Eureka Springs. Tom and I did the hot tub, full massage and facial and the girls decided on facials and reflexology. I really loved the spa we went to! Very nice, professional and very relaxing.



Then, this week I have been able to just hang out at home. This is the first time I've done that since we first moved here 6 years ago. Even though I've done lots of laundry, grocery shopping, dishes, cleaning of the bathrooms, mowing the lawn and trimming the constantly growing jungle we like to call our backyard, I have been having a marvelous time.

I've taken the time to sit out in the sun, and I've almost been able to totally put out of my mind that I'm probably getting skin cancer! I do look quite nice with just a little color.

I've also been reading, a lot. Currently I'm reading John Grisham's "The Broker". It's good, but I'm looking forward to either a Danielle Steel that my friend Lynn recommended or possibly my new Maeve Binchy paperbook. I can't remember what it's called, but she has become one of my new favorite authors! Anything she writes is perfect! I love her varied and many characters.

Well, better go for now. Hope you like the new pictures!

D

Samantha's 17th Birthday

Tom's favorite kitty cat

This wildlife refuge made Tom really nervous.

Isn't he beautiful though? I only wish the bars weren't there and he was living in the wild like he should be.

Our Arkansas Cabin

Our Summer Vacation

Here are Sami and Sarah in Eureka Springs. There is a spring inside that little cave with the prettiest little park setting around it. We just found it driving down the street and had to stop. Lovely.

Summer Picnic at Watkins Mill

Caroline's High School Graduation

One More Day of School

One more day to go. Samantha's junior year will come to a close. I don't think she's enjoyed it all that much. I don't think she's learned all that much.

Next year she will have only first semester at the high school. Then she plans to be off on her AFS journey to another country. Her first choice is Ghana in Africa. We've been told that they will send her application out sometime in June or July. I been praying for her future host family wherever they may be, and also for Samantha that everyone involved will be prepared, excited, and blessed for their meeting. I suppose I should be praying for me right? I know it will be hard, but I am so excited for her. She is made for so much more than being in a high school that stands for the "all American" dream. Money, money and more money. She is too grounded and too thoughtful of others to be all about money and letting people know how much you have.

Tomorrow is supposedly my last day at the SubFinder job. Although they don't have a replacement for me yet. I am hopeful that I don't have to continue doing 2 jobs very long. But I guess I will deal with whatever I have to. What's it matter at this point? It's been very uncomfortable at work this week, with my co-workers, that is. But sort of de-ja-vu too. It feels just like it did when the last person left our department. Petty non-sense and just plain meanness. I need some peace in this situation. Looking forward to summer.

It's Prom Day

It's another prom day here in our fair city. This year it's my daughter Sami and our German daughter Caro going to prom. Going with lots of friends, 12 people in the group for dinner at "The Olive Garden". Sami is very excited this year. She's wearing a second hand dress, perhaps from the 70's, I'm not sure since I'm no fashion expert. Very cute, short, white with black polka-dots, frilly ruffles at the bottom. Big circle pearl earrings with matching necklace, pearls, diamonds and black too I think. Caro is wearing the more traditional prom dress, silky brown, long, flowing. The have both been tanning just a little the last 2 weeks and both had their hair done this morning. It's gonna be a long night. Afterprom goes until 5:00 am and Sami has to work tomorrow afternoon. Yuck.

I did take the job I talked about in an earlier post, so hopefully I took the step that God wanted me to take. I realized I had to do something. I love the job, but don't really feel like I fit in with that department. Too many ghosts lurking about.

I finish this job at the end of the school year and begin anew in June. Say a prayer, it should be very interesting.

My oldest daughter, Sarah, drove with her boyfriend Sammy to see family in Ohio. I hope they have good weather for Cedar Point, beaches and a visit to gram and gramp at the campground later in the week.

Well, it's a busy day with prom pictures starting here at 5:00. Gotta go clean the house.

I've Arrived

Well, the last line from my last post. I've arrived. What did I mean by that? Well, I am finally beginning to be so comfortable with who I am for one thing. I'm not always so concerned with what others think of me, although I still have my moments when I think it matters.

If God could just send me an email and let me know that yes, indeed, I am making the right decisions, then maybe what others think wouldn't matter so much. Because of course, if God approved, out loud, so I could know it was actually his voice, then I would know for sure that what others think doesn't matter. Then I would know for sure I was doing God's will.

How can a person know? How can we know that we are listening hard enough and really hearing what God has to say to us? We don't get that big booming voice from the clouds or the email from God or a phone call on our cell as we're driving home from work. "Deborah - yes you should take that new job you've been offered!" "Yes - go ahead and make vacation plans for this summer, I have the money situation handled for you. You will have plenty of money for the girls this fall." Oh, if only I could hear him clearly.

Well, questions or no, I've arrived anyway. Arrived to a time in my life when being 42 is wonderful. How could I know that I could be so peaceful in the midst of such a stressful world? You don't think I'm fooling myself do you? Yes I feel stress, but at the same time a gratefulness for everything in my life. Thank you Father, God. You are truly awesome and so amazing and so unbelievably loving.

A beautiful Sunday

Ah, it's an awesome day. When I walked out of church this morning, what a beautiful sight and feeling. Sunshine, a little breeze and waaaarrrrmmmmm, finally. Maybe spring has arrived to stay. The daffodils and magnolia are blooming and the grass is turning green.

The other day when Tom and I were at the state park, lying down on a bench, enjoying the sun upon our faces, I actually had the thought that even if I had died that very day, my life would've been so complete. I could feel God with me in that moment and I realized that I was so unbelieveably blessed. I already knew that, but it was so intense at the time. I knew that I already had everything and every experience that makes my life complete and wonderfuly joyful. My entire existence has been so awesome, I have 2 wonderful daughters, a husband that I love more each day, caring parents, 3 amazing sisters, a good job, a nice home, freedom, friends and peace in my life. It almost makes me feel guilty that my life has been so blessed. I am so thankful to God each and every day and I appreciate the world and everyone in it more now than I ever have before. I guess finding God and learning to appreciate life makes getting older and wiser all worth it. I can honestly say that I am beginning to feel that I have arrived.

summer travel 

It's April

Today is my friend Lynn's 50th birthday. We had a girls night out last night to celebrate her birthday and Brenda's 42nd birthday coming up this Monday.

There were 4 of us "older" ladies together, talking, complaining, laughing, eating and just sharing our lives really. I think we had an awesome time. Several times it came up that we were the "older" ladies or something along that line. It hit me that sometimes I do feel like I'm one of the older people, but then other times I feel so young and that I have so much to look forward to doing yet in my life.

The next 5 to 6 years will be devoted to getting our 2 daughters through college, and I'm so blessed to be able to have such a goal. I will put them first always, but I am so looking forward to Tom and I and spending more time together doing the things that we want to do, eventually.

It's a beautiful day and I am on the computer! What a world we live in. Maybe soon I can at least move the computer to a room with a view so I'm not down in the basement, or dungeon, as I call it, when I am writing or researching or just playing games on this computer.

Blessings.

My First Post

Well, I must say this is kind of nerve wracking. I never thought that I would be interested in posting online.

Why then? I guess I have been wondering if there are others who go through the same things I do and how they solve their problems. I guess I think sometimes I have things figured out and maybe I can help others. And I suppose I am interested in writing down my life. Maybe writing about my experiences will help me to understand where I've been and where I'm going. Hopefully I can see more clearly the goals I need to focus on and actually move toward those goals.

Anyway, I hope eventually that my posts will be more interesting than this one, but for now. Many blessings to you and good night.